Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I was the mother of two boys only 18 months apart. I catch myself daydreaming of brothers running around, wrestling each other to the ground, and two little boy minds sharing in the wonderment of the world. Then *SNAP* back to reality, and I see my three year old son, playing, much too rough, with his 10 month old sister.
Life turns out so much differently than we plan.
I can’t say it’s a lesser alternative. I can’t say I would have wanted things to turn out differently. Because although there is so much sadness in what was lost, there is so much joy in what was given.
We recently took the plunge on the Disney Plus membership, and let me tell you… it’s awesome! I think it is just as nostalgic for my husband and I, as it is exciting for the kids.
Charles was aghast to know I had never watched the Disney movie Mr. Hollands Opus. We put the kids to bed one evening and watched what my husband portrayed as one of his favorite movies.
I won’t ruin the plot for you, in case you haven’t seen it, so here is just the dialog. During one scene, Rowena, a student of Mr. Holland’s confesses, “I imagined it going a different way.” And Mr Holland replies, “But this is the best way.”
I instantly broke down in tears. How often I think our Heavenly Father says this to us. We look at our lives and the tragedy therein and think, I saw this going a different way. And in the most compassionate way, our God affirms, My way is the best way, I promise.
It hurts. But it’s right. What the Lord does is always best.
I once heard a pastor say what God chooses to do to us is both just and holy.
I had never thought of my son’s passing as both justice and perfect holiness because it was part of God enacting His perfect will here on earth. It makes me realize losing a child is so much bigger than me. The loss has much bigger implications than sadness. My loss confirms my participation in God’s story of His earth and His redemption of it.
The bible tells us we will share in Christ’s suffering. “But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” (1 Peter4: 13) My son’s life must be worth bringing people into the knowledge of Jesus Christ, or else it is merely a sad story. And I refuse to let my son’s passing be an unfortunate event. Because God himself doesn’t mean it to be just that. He does all things for his purposes and his glory.
Friends, in all honesty, before my son passed away, I do not know if I was truly saved. I believed in a watered down gospel focused on the belief that Jesus is only love, I’m a “good” person and deserve blessings, and that a god so gracious wouldn’t really send people to hell.
Well I’m here to tell you that is all crap.
God is 100% love and 100% wrath. He is justice and he is gracious. He will punish sin. You are not a good person; you are a sinner and deserve death. But, God made a way for us. And Jesus Christ, the son of God, died on the cross for your sins so that you could live in heaven one day if you accept Him as your savior.
Losing my son, shattered my lukewarm faith, so that God could rebuild it based on His truth about who He says he is. And I am so thankful. The faith I have now I would not trade for anything including the life of my son.
Our losses must lead people, including ourselves, to Jesus, or else they end up not mattering in the grand scheme of eternity! My son led me back to the Lord.
The Bible says our pain is only momentary, a split second in the midst of eternity. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
Even those of us, myself included, with hardly any patience, can wait a split second to see our children again. So we will. And we must commit to seeking the Lord and praying for His will to be done on earth no matter how it feels. We must trust that our loss is heaven’s gain, for our children and all of us who need Christ Jesus to save us.