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A Journey Through Miscarriage & Stillbirth

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Welcome to Heart Of My Own Heart.

If this is the first time you have visited my site, I would encourage you to start reading from the very beginning. Although I am not the woman I was when I first began this blog, you deserve to know her. If you are one of my fellow women struggling with tragic loss, you deserve to encounter the woman who had fallen into the deepest darkness and began the journey of crawling her way back into the light. 

I understand this is my unique journey. You don't have to agree with anything I write, and you don't have keep reading. My only hope is, if you are willing to brave the darkness with me, post by post, we may find some peace together. 

Ephesians 5:8 "For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord..."

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The Grand Scheme and the Split Second

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I was the mother of two boys only 18 months apart. I catch myself daydreaming of...

The Green Monster

With Halloween just passed, I find myself thinking of a monster; the green monster. Jealousy. Jealousy is a nasty and an internal issue....

It Is Worth It

Everywhere we look, we see it. From natural disasters and earthquakes, to murder, theft, disease, sickness, even rudeness and road rage;...

Why Is It So Hard To Trust The Lord?

Why is it so hard to trust the Lord? When you come to a place where you truly believe that God is both sovereign and good, why then, is...

Worth Weeping For

“No one told me I would suffer. No one told me I would grieve.” These are the opening lines to Joseph O’Brien’s song The Average he...

The Waiting Place

Like many mothers, I was reading my son a story as he fell asleep the other night. I began to read a book written by the famous...

Is God Always In Control?

Over the past few months, as I have tried my best to navigate a sorrowful journey. I have found myself questioning whether or not God...

I Am Not A Cemetery

My child died inside of me. How do you even begin to wrap your head around that? I am a woman. I am a life bringer, not a cemetery. My...

My Life Is On Fire

I love the story of Moses. When I open my bible and don’t know where to read, or I’m not sure what to study, I turn to the book of...

Here's What You Can Do

I recently had a dear friend of mine reach out to me because a woman in her life had just lost her baby boy. My friend was caught between...

I Don't Deserve This

We live in a world of consequence. When we achieve, we receive the consequence of reward. When we fail, we are disciplined. We are...

Fearful... Again

I am thankful and lucky I have a family in which the members all get along with one another. I understand how rare that is these days....

New Year's Tears

I have never cried my way into the new year before, but I guess there truly is a first for everything. My husband wiped my snotty nose as...

Mary And Her Child

It’s the Christmas season. Mother’s everywhere are hanging the stockings with care, decorating their trees, and making sure the glass...


It's the breathlessness in my lungs, it’s my heart pounding in my throat, it's the headache and sore neck, it's the tears and my hands...

Here's To Hoping

Why are you downcast oh my soul, why so disturbed within me? In January of 2018, as we counted down the new year, my husband and I kissed...

Launch The App... And Sob

Pain is relative. I will never experience the sorrow you know because I am not you, and even if our situations look similar, they are...

It Isn't Well With Me

Life just won’t stop moving forward, no matter how much I wish it would. Just a pause, just a breath, just a moment of silence in my mind...

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Rachel Feriend is a devoted wife and adventurous mother. She is a stay at home mom who lives in Redmond Oregon with her husband Charles. They love every minute of wrangling their son Jaxon and daughter Christine, and throwing the frisbee for their dog Birdy on a daily basis. Rachel is a writer and speaker as well as the founder of the non-profit organization The Jasper Fox Project. She is a Christian and believes family and friends are the greatest blessings. 

Rachel has a heart for women who have experienced miscarriage and stillbirth, as well as women struggling with infertility. Her hope is that this blog would be a place of peace, tears, and love.  

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Be Thou My Vision

The name of my blog is derived from the hymn, "Be Thou My Vision". It has always been one of my favorite hymns, and it happened to be one of the songs I sang to myself while in the hospital with our stillborn son, Jasper Ryan Feriend. The last verse contains the lyric, "Heart of my own heart whatever befall, still be my vision, oh Ruler of all." I thought the name fitting because not only is our loving Father the heart of our own heart, but so are our dear children who have passed on to be with Jesus. 

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